It’s more about building a container of trust.

We created rigid, rule-driven systems because we were afraid to have conversations about our needs and boundaries.

When there is trust, those conversations are able to take place and we are able to use less inflexible tools in favor of in-the-moment negotations that allow for more adaptable and vitalizing outcomes.

When people feel in touch with themselves, and feel safe enough to have clear boundaries and needs, it changes the type of systems we need.

In Experiment 001, when we designed a system for cooking, we committed to whoever did not cook would clean. The first night, however, everyone ended up cleaning. The next day when we unpacked why that was occurring we realized that everyone was afraid of being judged by others for not helping. However, Instead of asking others whether this was true, we stayed silent because we were afraid to face the discomfort. We worked under our assumptions and helped even if we silently resented, feeling like we shouldn’t 'have to.' The result was a devitalized and exhausted group. 

The next day we brought this into the group, and we realized that many of our assumptions of what others would think were false. We then tried to create a system for cleaning. Immediately, everyone went to assigning roles. When we interrogated why that solution would be the most vitalizing, it became clear that while it wasn’t, it allowed the group to not have to negotiate or express their needs to each other. 

We challenged ourselves to create a system based on authentic communication.

There were no set roles,  just in the moment negotiation between the group members with a commitment to honestly stating needs and boundaries.  For example, one day one woman wanted to rest during dinner. She brought it to the group and offered to clean up alone for lunch as she enjoyed the solo time and the others would be able to better rest. The others agreed as they wanted to rest during lunch and enjoyed working collaboratively to clean for dinner. The trust and clear communication created an environment where all were able to better serve their needs. 

This system ultimately allowed for a level of flexibility and adaptability to evolving circumstances that better served the group and the individuals. Looking outwards, it’s easy to see how many systems in our world are rigid because we are afraid of what would happen if we let go of control and let people work it out. While this negotiation might take slightly longer at the moment if done from a place of honesty and authenticity it creates deeper bonds and allows the system to better adapt to changing circumstances. 

What we’re missing oftentimes is the baseline trust in ourselves to know our needs and trust in each other to receive those needs as well as keep their own boundaries.

If we shift our focus from designing the rules and roles within a system to creating a container where the participants within a system feel safe within themselves and with each other to express themselves then we naturally create the adaptable environments which make us feel vitalized. The work is then more about building and tending environments of trust, communication, and authenticity versus creating solutions.